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How I Handle Mental Health Crashes as a Freelance Writer & Illustrator
Sometimes I fall down the hole
I’ve always known that I’m wired differently. In my thirties and forties, I was diagnosed with two anxiety disorders, a depression disorder, and ADHD.
Looking back at my youth and early adulthood, I can see that I’ve lived with these conditions for as long as I can remember and was fortunate enough to develop some unique coping mechanisms that allowed me to be “high-functioning”.
But, sometimes things get dark.
I call it falling into the hole. Before I was more mindful of my brain and body, these times in the hole could last weeks or months, and led to some of the most challenging experiences of my life.
Recently, I fell into the hole again. My trips to the hole are much less frequent now and I have a lot of tools to help me get out, but there is always a moment when I’m not sure if I’ll ever feel anything ever again.
Being in the hole is not the same as imposter syndrome or the doldrums. It’s not being sad. The only way I can explain it is that it is nothing. It is the first panel of this haiku comic:
